Sept. 29, 1998
(Gillian comes out wearing a medium-length black dress with high-heeled sandals and a gray cardigan. She comes out with a huge smile on her face. She waves to the audience. When she walks over to where Jay is standing, she kisses him on the cheek. They talk for a few seconds.)
GILLIAN: I spit it out! Just backstage
JAY: You did spit it out.
GILLIAN: I spit it out.
JAY: Okay. I like the new hairdo. Very nice.
GILLIAN: Yeah... well... okay. (giggles)
JAY: See, I notice. Don't I notice?
GILLIAN: You do notice. It's only two days old. It's not that much shorter then it normally is.
JAY: No, no, but it has that new haircut thing.
GILLIAN: It has that thing.
JAY: Yeah, but...it has that thing. (Gillian giggles) You feel different now that you have a new haircut? It looks cute.
GILLIAN: Thank you.
JAY: See, I noticed it right away. I hadn't seen you since the Emmys and I went, "New haircut."
GILLIAN: Thank you.
JAY: So what have you been doing? I heard you were... moving back east somewhere?
GILLIAN: Was I back east? You mean, what? No.
GILLIAN: I went to Sedona for a little while.
JAY: Oh, to Arizona.
GILLIAN: I went to Arizona, that's not back east. That's like close to Los Angeles.
(Jay pulls out a map and puts it on his desk.)
JAY: Let me see, if you were to leave California and go east, you would come to...
GILLIAN: (Laughing) I wouldn't call that back east.
JAY: Well, that would be Arizona.
GILLIAN: (Still laughing) Okay, okay.
JAY: Now, way back east would be New York.
GILLIAN: New York
JAY: But, back east.
GILLIAN: I went to Sedona just for a weekend, um, with my best friend, and uh, yeah we (starts to giggle yet again) You know that was the funniest... we were driving. We knew that we were going to take a drive through the canyons, they have these amazing canyons. And so we loaded up, we stopped at a sort of an out of the way health food store, and we picked up seaweed... tofu...
JAY: Whew, stop, you're making me hungry. Really.
GILLIAN: Then we also picked up goat's milk yogurt. Have you ever tried goat's milk yogurt? It's kind of tangy. It's different.
JAY: Goat's milk yogurt?
GILLIAN: It's good.
JAY: How it that different then regular yogurt?
GILLIAN: It's... it's... made from goats. Apparently it's easier to digest, because goats only have one stomach and cows have three.
JAY: Goats eat tin cans too.
JAY: So was it good?
GILLIAN: It was good. So anyway, we were driving along, eating. And I eat some and he eats some and I eat some and he eats some... we managed to finish the whole thing. And I put it down in the console. And we're feeling a little odd, just a little odd. And I look down and I notice there's some writing on the side of the container. It says 'Goat's milk yogurt...for pets.'
(Gillian makes an odd face.)
GILLIAN: And were thinking, like, what is the difference between goat's milk yogurt for pets and goat's milk yogurt for humans?! Like what, are the standards different, do they mix it with dirty hands? Do they, I mean, do they have it like lying around the house in large vats with cats jumping over it? All these images, then I noticed there was a, like, telephone number on the side. It's like, "Goat's milk yogurt for pets," then there's a telephone number. It's a sort of like sticker. So I call the number.
JAY: While you were in the car.
GILLIAN: While I'm in the car. I thought, well, I'm gonna call and talk to the guy and question him about what's different about processing goats milk yogurt for pets and goats milk yogurt for humans. So I call the number and there's an answering machine, and it's some like, a hundred and eight guy going, 'well if you'd like to leave a message.' And I push redial and play it for my friend, and we're looking at each other with like, horror on our faces. I mean you could just imagine this little shack somewhere, in the middle of nowhere, with hairballs flying by and getting in the yogurt.
JAY: And did you get sick, were you okay?
GILLIAN: No, we were fine. I'm sure it was fine, but I'm still very curious to know what's in it, like the bacteria and stuff.
(GA makes a grossed out face)
JAY: Like, ever eat Friskies Buffet?
GILLIAN: No I haven't.
JAY: It's processed different. How is you daughter doing? Piper?
GILLIAN: Piper. She's four. She just had her fourth birthday.
JAY: Is she four already?
GILLIAN: She was so excited that she saw four. She woke up in the morning and said 'I can't believe I'm four!' It was such a huge deal for her. Now she's at that age where she's asking a lot of questions. About... about, not about life, but she said, sometimes at like three in the morning, she'll roll over and say 'Mom, what's inside trees?' or 'Mom, why don't the waves stop?' She asked the other day, she asked 'Mom, how does water float?' And I'm like, "Well, I didn't pay attention in school sweetheart, but uh..." She also said, 'How do we see? I know that we have eyes, but how do we see?'
JAY: And your answer?
(Gillian looks out toward the audience)
GILLIAN: I mean, how many people can actually answer that? I mean cones and rods. I mean how do you tell a four year old how you see?
JAY: What was your explanation?
GILLIAN: I said 'Go ask your dad.'
JAY: When I was that age, my dad bought me the Golden Book encyclopedias, remember those things? They were like, this thick.
(Jay holds index and middle finger together)
JAY: Everything about the world in forty-nine pages.
JAY: You'd just sorta look through there. But they never had any of the questions that you wanted to know. There was never any like, sex questions.
GILLIAN: Okay, Jay. What kind of question would you ask at that age that has to do about sex? What do you say?
JAY: I do remember, you do remember things that get reactions. I remember being with my mom and all the Italian women were all cooking or something, and I remember saying to my mom, I said 'Mom, why do women have humps like camels?' I remember saying that and I remember hearing this collective "Whahohoah!" And my mom said 'oh, the mouth of that kid!' And she took me out the the room and I thought, 'I must've said something great.'
GILLIAN: Do you? Are you like fixated on breasts now?
JAY: You know, I never thought about it, but yeah!
GILLIAN: Every time you see a woman with big breasts you go Whahohoah!!
JAY: But I do that anyway. Let me ask you about this movie.
GILLIAN: The Mighty.
JAY: This movie is you and Sharon Stone.
GILLIAN: Yeah, and Harry Dean Stanton and Kieran Culkin and Eldon Henson.
JAY: I say this all the time, the best part of the job is seeing movies before I have any idea. All I know is Gillian's coming on, she has a movie coming out. I don't even know the name of it.
GILLIAN: I think it's great that you watch them.
JAY: It's really good. Tell people what it's about.
GILLIAN: Essentially, I think it's about these two kids who are outsiders. They're young, about fourteen, and they're challenged in their own way. And they find each other, and through finding each other, they learn how to survive in the world of kids in a whole new way. And um, it's not really a coming of age story, but it's a wonderful story about how kids learn to survive in the world of kids and of other kids and of being made fun of. And being different.
JAY: Let's show the clip. One kid is big and dumb and the other is handicapped.
GILLIAN: I wouldn't say he's dumb.
JAY: Essentially, he's... no, no, no. From a kids point of view, that's what I'm saying.
GILLIAN: Yeah, he's challenged.
JAY: He's a big dumb kid.
JAY: But it turns out good in the end.
GILLIAN: So that makes it okay, to call a kid dumb.
JAY: Well yeah.
(The tv rises behind Gillian)
GILLIAN: He's not dumb. Some things have happened in his life and he's kind of shut down and he doesn't talk, he's mute and he's big.
JAY: And dumb!
(Gillian half smiles out towards the audience, who are laughing)
JAY: But it's a great movie, a wonderful story. You'll cry at the end of this movie.
GILLIAN: Okay. I'm going to cry after you show this clip.
(Jay points to the screen, which shows two kids standing out in a hallway.)
JAY: See there's the big dumb kid, right there.
(The clip comes on)
(After the clip, the camera comes back to Gillian and Jay. The audience starts cheering and clapping)
JAY: Great job. The film is called The Mighty. Wasn't that Pot Roast?
GILLIAN: (Smiling) No, that would be Meat Loaf.
JAY: Meat Loaf, I'm sorry. I thought it was Pot Roast. Listen, I know you have to go.
JAY: The film is great. The Mighty, be right back with Mystro after this.
(Jay stands up and kisses Gillian on both cheeks)
Transcript provided by Kristin Carl and appears courtesy of NBC's Tonight Show.